Navigating Grief During the Holidays: Practices to Ease the Burden
Written By: Charlie Rowe
The holidays can be a time of joy and togetherness with family and friends, but for those who are grieving, this season can feel especially heavy. Whether you are mourning the loss of a loved one, coping with the end of a relationship, sitting with job loss, or facing another type of loss, the festive atmosphere can sometimes intensify feelings of sadness, loneliness, and longing.
I know in myself I even get feelings of bitterness and anger, even when surrounded by the brightest holiday cheer. I’ve previously mentioned the loss of my mother I experienced at the beginning of the year, and as the holidays have loomed closer, I feel my loss heavier now more than ever as people ask me what my holiday plans are. However, there are practices that can help ease the emotional burden and create space for healing for just about anyone during this difficult time.
Here are some strategies for making grief during the holidays a little more manageable:
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
The first step in navigating any point of grief during the holidays is to allow yourself to feel. Grief can come in waves, and there is no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve. Whether you're feeling sadness, anger, guilt, or even moments of joy amidst the pain, it’s important to honor your emotions and not hold them in for the sake of others’ comfort.
Practice:
Take a moment each day to check in with yourself. What are you feeling at this moment? Try journaling to express your thoughts and emotions, allowing yourself to process them on your own terms. Writing can help you release emotions that may feel difficult to voice aloud. I have many physical journals, but find it easier to create a section of my notes app called “thoughts” so that throughout the day I can just add to it when I need to - no matter on public transportation, walking to school, or out with friends.
2. Set Boundaries
The holidays can come with high expectations — for family gatherings, parties, and traditions. If you're grieving, participating in every event may feel overwhelming or even impossible. It's okay to set boundaries that protect your emotional and physical well-being.
Practice:
Be honest with others about what you’re able to do. You can politely decline invitations or shorten your time at gatherings if that feels more manageable. Don’t feel pressured to engage in all holiday traditions if they bring up too much pain. Consider creating new traditions that feel more aligned with your current needs.
3. Honor Your Loved One
For those grieving the loss of a loved one, finding ways to honor their memory can provide a sense of connection and peace. This can be especially important during the holidays when their absence may be more keenly felt.
Practice:
Create a small ritual or tribute. This could be lighting a candle in their memory, writing a letter to them, or sharing stories about them with close friends or family. Consider donating to a charity or cause that was important to your loved one, creating a way to give back in their honor. Set up a photo or memory table at gatherings where loved ones can reflect and share memories.
4. Simplify Your Celebrations
There’s no need to replicate every tradition from previous years if it feels too painful. Instead, consider simplifying your approach to the holidays. You don’t have to take on all the cooking, decorating, or socializing if you don’t have the energy for it. Scaling down what you do allows you more room to breathe, and feel more at ease as you navigate your feelings throughout the holiday season.
Practice:
Reduce the scale of holiday festivities to what feels most meaningful. You could opt for a small, quiet dinner instead of a large family celebration or enjoy a cozy evening at home with just immediate family or close friends. If decorating feels like too much, limit it to a few items that bring comfort, like a favorite ornament or a special candle.
5. Lean on Support Systems
Grief can be isolating, but it's important to remember that you don't have to go through it alone. Whether it’s friends, family, support groups, or a therapist, reaching out for support can help you process your grief and find comfort. Leaning on your support systems also allows communication on where you’re at emotionally, so your support can better help you rather than hurt you through the holiday season.
Practice:
Talk to someone you trust about your grief, even if it’s just to say that you're struggling. Sharing your feelings can lighten the emotional load. Consider attending a support group for those who are grieving during the holidays, or seek them out virtually on platforms like Facebook. Many organizations offer virtual or in-person grief support, particularly during this time of year, and it helps with feelings of both grief and isolation to have a network to fall back on.
6. Take Care of Your Body
Grief can take a toll on your physical health, and the added stress of the holidays can exacerbate it. Taking care of your body can help ground you and bring moments of relief.
Practice:
Try to maintain a regular routine; including eating well, getting enough sleep, and moving your body. Even gentle activities like walking, stretching, or yoga can help relieve tension and improve your mood. Practice deep breathing or mindfulness exercises to stay present with your emotions and reduce stress.
7. Give Yourself Permission to Experience Joy
It’s common for those who are grieving to feel guilty about experiencing moments of joy or happiness, especially during the holidays. But it’s important to remember that you are allowed to feel both grief and joy at the same time. Life isn’t black and white, and neither are the emotions we often feel simultaneously. You do not have to suppress your happiness to honor your loss.
Practice:
Allow yourself to laugh, enjoy the things that bring you comfort, and savor small moments of peace. Grief doesn’t negate your right to experience positive emotions, nor does it mean that to grieve you can’t be present in happy moments. Be gentle with yourself if you experience moments of joy. They don’t diminish your grief; they simply reflect the complexity of your emotions during this time.
8. Create a New Ritual or Tradition
Sometimes, the best way to cope with grief during the holidays is to create a new ritual or tradition that fits your current reality. This could be something simple, but meaningful, that helps you honor where you are in your journey.
Practice:
Consider a new activity like a walk in nature, a quiet meditation session, or a creative project that honors your loved one. If the old traditions no longer feel right, explore new ways of celebrating that align with your emotional needs — like watching a comforting holiday movie or taking a reflective moment to appreciate what you have now.
9. Focus on Gratitude
Gratitude practices can help shift your perspective when grief feels overwhelming. By acknowledging the good things in your life, even small ones, you can create a sense of balance amid the sorrow.
Practice:
Each day, write down three things you’re grateful for. They don’t have to be big, profound moments — even small acts of kindness, moments of peace, or signs of beauty in your day can be sources of gratitude. Reflect on the positive impact your loved one had on your life and how their memory continues to shape you. An extra practice would be sharing this with another loved one navigating through grief. My sister and I do this everyday, and it’s been a wonderful and positive way to share small joys with each other.
10. Seek Professional Support If Needed
If grief becomes overwhelming, or if you feel that it’s too much to handle on your own, reaching out for professional help can be a crucial step. Therapists or counselors trained in grief can provide guidance and strategies tailored to your unique needs.
Practice:
If your grief feels unmanageable, consider seeking out a therapist who specializes in grief counseling. Many professionals offer virtual sessions, making it easier to find support even during the busy holiday season.
Grief is a deeply personal experience, and it’s important to honor your own unique process, especially during the holidays. While the season may never feel quite the same, it’s possible to find new ways to cope and connect, honoring your pain while allowing space for healing. By practicing self-compassion, setting boundaries, and seeking support, you can navigate this difficult time with greater ease and find moments of peace amidst the sorrow. I hope if you’re experiencing loss this holiday season, you can find moments of joy within the tears and sadness, and come around to appreciate the holidays again.
Over the years, I've experienced many losses that have gradually dimmed my excitement for the holidays, to the point where I’ve jokingly anointed myself the family Grinch. But since losing my mom, I’ve found myself actively trying to dread the season less and, instead, focus on honoring her memory by embracing the traditions she so lovingly and magically created for my sister and I. My mom truly cherished this time of year, and by carrying on her spirit—doing the things she would have done while allowing myself to grieve—I’m beginning to feel a spark of holiday cheer again for the first time in a long while. I hope, in your own way, you can find that too.
Be Well,
Charlie Rowe
