Identity Attachment and Re-Discovering Yourself

Aug 24

Identity attachment is something people struggle with at all points in their lives. For young adults, it's the realization that college is over and it's time to go out into the real world. For those aspiring to reach higher levels in their current careers or make an ultimate career change, it's entering the unknown, reaching for the stars, and discovering their own potential. Then there's the mid-life crisis for some, or simply those who are searching for who they are. We find ourselves attaching our identity to being a student, our job title, or who other people perceive us to be, but that answer cannot be provided by anyone other than ourselves. The ultimate blessing and joy of being a human comes from the beauty of discovery. We are constantly able to redefine who we are, no matter where we are in our lives.

A great yogic teacher known as Ramana Maharshi once said, to attain inner freedom one must continuously and sincerely ask the question, “Who am I?” Upon reflection, when answering the question of who you are, you might attach it to some accomplishment, experience, emotion, religious affiliation, etc. I have personally decided that the best way to answer the question of who you are is simply by saying, “Me.” You are the person experiencing all things at all times, an ever-evolving individual. As the famous Buddhist teaching states, “Connected to everything, attached to nothing.” The idea of impermanence is embraced by many Buddhist teachers to demonstrate that when you don't attach your happiness to objects, people, or places, you can simply allow things to come and go—the natural flow of life. Some people interpret this mindset as saying you shouldn't love things, adventures, or individuals, but it's more about emphasizing the importance of not bonding yourself to anything. Instead, you should experience and enjoy life as it is, knowing that an abundance of joy and experiences are on their way.

Embarking on the journey of self-discovery is extremely hard, especially when you remove yourself from old attachments you once had, whether that be friends, family, environment, etc. I feel that the best way to start this journey is to embrace the mindset that you are truly your own best friend. Think of the things you would go out of your way to do for other people, or perhaps things you've seen other people do for their friends, and do them for yourself. I firmly believe that nobody can love you the way you love yourself. Think about it—nobody has the same creative thoughts and ideas as you; nobody fully knows what you're thinking or feeling. But that's okay because the only person who needs to validate those emotions is yourself. The importance of being sure of yourself is truly healing. The hardest part is taking the first step toward wanting to get to know yourself. It's a challenge for people, especially in the world we live in today filled with so many distractions, to really carve out time to introspect and face our thoughts. Getting beyond the analytical world to find what's inside is a time filled with fear, questions, and doubt. However, it is also extremely empowering. Being reliant on yourself means trusting your intuition, which rarely lets anyone down. It's about getting out of your comfort zone and embracing endless possibilities.

I think the beauty of rediscovering yourself is the realization that you are on no timeline. You have the rest of your life to know yourself, and you are constantly evolving and changing your mind about what you want and don’t want. I think it's a never-ending process, but the willingness to engage in it allows you to fiercely advocate for yourself. I am currently at a point in my life where I just graduated, don’t know what's next, and have no idea what my journey towards accomplishing my dreams looks like. However, I am realizing that my time will come, and what's for me will not miss me. I believe the universe and God are putting me in a space where I have the opportunity to truly know myself without any external attachments. The beauty in all of this is that I not only get the opportunity to know who I am, but I also get to find my inner voice and observe it. I feel that this is truly a time to embrace the beauty of silence because silence is actually very loud and telling. I think that is the way you draw abundance to yourself. When you don’t expect anything, it all comes to you in the most surprising ways and moments. I also think sitting with yourself allows you to be grateful and reflect on what you do have. I recently read, “Too often people are concerned about getting on the train at the right time, as opposed to getting on the right train.” This quote encapsulates how we often feel rushed to get things done at a certain time or be at a certain point in our lives when it really may not be our moment. There is no need to limit or constrain ourselves to anything. There is so much to accomplish, and it does not have to be just one thing. Whatever you want, wants you 1,000 times more. I don’t think we have thoughts or ideas simply for the sake of it; I think we have them for a reason, and they are a reminder of how we truly can do anything we set our minds to and to always dream big.

Major life changes are never easy, but rediscovering yourself feels like a rebirth. You don’t need to condition yourself to a particular way of being—changing who you are is a gift. Below are steps that can help in finding yourself and letting go of attachments. Additionally, I have added books that are helpful reads!

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