Love-Struck: The Science Behind Falling in Love

Written by Audrey Hayward

When you think of love, what do you think? Do you think of it as a feeling? Do you think of it as an emotion? Do you think of it as a physical experience? I think most of us would classify it as a kind of complex emotion of some sort. You know that whole you can’t see it but it’s still there kinda thing. But, love actually has way more of an impact on us than we think. 

When we experience love, part of the brain is activated. In fact, the exact part of the brain that lights up when we are in love is the same part of the brain that controls basic reflexes. The midbrain’s ventral tegmental area (VTA) is in charge of meeting basic needs like telling us to drink when we’re thirsty, or eat when we’re hungry. This is the brain’s way of communicating to us that romantic love actually is fulfilling basic human needs. (Novotney) 

You know that feeling when you’re with someone you love and it feels like nothing else matters? That’s because different areas of the brain (12 exactly) team up together and release three hormones that give us that euphoric feeling of love. The first hormone is Dopamine, known as the “feel-good” hormone. Dopamine gives feelings of pleasure and satisfaction while lighting up your reward system, and also increases sex drive which is usually why the beginning of relationships tend to be more sexually active.  (Cleveland Clinic) Oxytocin is also released, also known as the “cuddle hormone”. It’s labeled as the “cuddle hormone” because it is linked to warm, fuzzy feelings and the power to regulate our trust, empathy, and positive communications. It also can lower stress and anxiety, making us trust our partner and feel safe. (Owens) Lastly, adrenaline is released, which increases our heart rate and gives our bodies a surge in energy due to the redirecting of blood flow to our muscles. Essentially, the reason you feel so flustered and like your heart is beating out of your chest when you’re with someone you’re interested in.

Additionally, seeing someone talk about their loved one and burst into a smile isn’t just to rub it in your face (I promise), but studies have found that our brain’s reward system (the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex) all light up on brain scans when individuals think, see, or talk about a loved one.  (Novotney)

Now as a young woman, I myself have spent way too many long hours debating on sending texts or drafting ones up with my friends. So while researching, I thought, adrenaline can’t be the only thing affecting us to cause us to feel so jumpy, right? Separate from the hormones that are increased, one hormone is decreased, Serotonin. Serotonin is a natural mood stabilizer, with low levels being linked to depression and anxiety and higher levels with happiness and serenity. (Cleveland Clinic) When our serotonin levels drop, we begin to get intrusive anxious thoughts and spend way too long obsessing over small details and meanings of our partner's actions. 

Falling in love and first loves are so precious, but what happens when we end up having a long-term partner? Everyone talks about how your first love is different, and how unfortunately marriages get “boring”. When I was younger, I actually was very scared that I would never feel that same first feeling of falling in love again. My parents even told me, “Yes, your first love will always be a little different, but each relationship you have will be just as good, but in other ways.”  Turns out, they were right. You will be happy to know that even when those butterflies and jitter induced hormones subside a little, not only are the dopamine-rich regions of the brain still active, but different areas of the brain are activated. 

In longer-term relationships parts of the brain that represent and are in charge of attachment and cognition are more present. These areas give couples the ability to be with each other through “thick and thin” as well as increase creative thinking and sharpness by being able to anticipate the actions of a loved one. For example, both my parents are cooks, they both love to make dinner every night as well as create new recipes. However, things can get stressful in the kitchen with another person in the way. But somehow, without any communication needed, they both know where to stand in the kitchen and how to work on their own dishes simultaneously without aggravating the other person. 

Now, just because you aren’t currently with the love of your life doesn’t mean that you aren’t fulfilling a basic need. Because the reality is, love is everywhere. Love is the eye contact mothers make with their newborn babies for the first time. Love is the passion you feel for running or drawing or making Pinterest boards. Love is the warm feeling you feel when playing or cuddling your pet (actually though, studies show looking into your dog's eyes increases oxytocin, the “cuddle-hormone”  levels in both owners and dogs) (Nagasawa). Whatever love you experience, the brain’s reward system is activated, making love truly everywhere. (Novotney)

To conclude this gushy but informative post, I really hope that this year you don’t just wait until Valentine’s Day to celebrate your love for yourself or loved ones. Take each day this month, and really experience love… whatever that looks like for you. 

Be well,

Audrey

Resources

Nagasawa, Miho. Oxytocin-Gaze Positive Loop and the Coevolution of Human-Dog Bonds ..., www.science.org/doi/10.1126/science.1261022. Accessed 8 Feb. 2024.

Novotney, Amy. “What Happens in Your Brain When You’re in Love?” American Psychological Association, American Psychological Association, www.apa.org/topics/marriage-relationships/brain-on-love. Accessed 7 Feb. 2024.

Owens, Alexandra. Oxytocin: What It Is, How It Makes You Feel & Why It Matters, www.healthcentral.com/mental-health/oxytocin. Accessed 8 Feb. 2024.

Cleveland Clinic medical. “Dopamine: What It Is, Function & Symptoms.” Cleveland Clinic, my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22581-dopamine. Accessed 7 Feb. 2024.

Cleveland Clinic medical. “Serotonin: What Is It, Function & Levels.” Cleveland Clinic, my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22572-serotonin. Accessed 7 Feb. 2024.